The Western Athletic Conference as Films

Today's post is going to be a lot of fun. Besides Boise State football, my other passion in life is film. I love movies and I own over 700 of them. In honor of my love for all things Bronco and my love for films, I am going to combine the two today. That's right; using the current teams in the Western Athletic Conference (I know it will change next year), I will share with you a movie that exemplifies a WAC team. I will do it for each team in the WAC, according to where they currently are in the standings. Please leave as many comments as you would like and let me know if I got one wrong or if you have a different idea for a team. Let's get started!

San Jose State Spartans = Kazaam!


The last place team in the WAC is one of the worst in the nation. For years they had Dick Tomey as their head coach. Tomey is a future hall of famer that never really did anything with his teams in San Jose. He is like Shaquille O'neal; A big name that completely bombed. Shaq never should have even thought about making a movie. "Kazaam" was such a terrible film and likewise, San Jose State has had a bunch of terrible teams. Tomey was only able to take one group to a bowl game. It's not just that. California is filled with talented football players, and the Spartans couldn't get any of them. The putrid stench coming from Northern California is only rivaled by that of Shaquille O'neal and his hideous stint as an actor. Thank goodness it only lasted for a short time! The San Jose State Spartans are the "Kazaam" of the WAC. They aren't even fun to watch.

New Mexico State Aggies = Disaster Movie


The Aggies are exactly what the name of this movie tells us. They are really bad, but they did beat San Jose State this year. The losers who keep making these "movies" (date movie, etc.) need to stop. At the same time, New Mexico State should probably stop fielding a football team. Save your money. If the Aggies go up against a good team (Boise State), they get murdered. If somehow "Disaster Movie" was to get entered in a competition with good movies, it would also get murdered. They are terrible to watch and just like the film, they leave you pissed off for having wasted your time on such a dumpster fire of a film/football team. The New Mexico State Aggies are to the WAC what "Disaster Movie" is to the film industry; a complete and utter travesty.

Utah State Aggies = Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace


Let's be honest here, the first three films made back in the seventies were nothing short of fantastic. Maybe it was because too much time passed before they made the three prequels, but this movie sucked. It had so much promise before it started, just like Utah State. Many people had them picked to be in a bowl game and to be competitive, but that has not been the case. All they hype of the film and the Aggies has been wasted breath. "The Phantom Menace" has its moments of flashiness (mainly the special effects), and the Aggies have shown up for some games and have even won a few. But the successes that both have are overshadowed by their extreme and complete crappiness. Some people may like them, but they are only lying to themselves. Don't waste your time watching the train wreck of a movie nor the JV-like squad of the Utah State Aggie football team. You are the "Phantom Menace" of the Western Athletic Conference, literally and figuratively.

Idaho Vandals = Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd


This one is funny for more than one reason. The obvious one involves the word "dumb." Moving on...Applying this movie to the Idaho Vandals makes perfect sense. Remember back in the day when Idaho was a good football, at one point even beating Boise State 12 years in a row? That was like "Dumb and Dumber." It was great, everybody loved them, and they both have developed extensive followings that extend into the current day. But what about the sequel? Right now, the Vandals follow up the glory days by sucking terribly and embarrassing their alumni. Don't you think Jim Carey is embarrassed by the horrible sequel to his classic film? In other words, the Vandals of today are a shell of what they used to be, and they are terrible. "Dumb and Dumberer" is a crap fest compared to its predecessor. Oh yes, the good ol' glory days when Idaho and "Dumb and Dumberer" still had their dignity. They are gone, forever. Idaho, you are to college football and the great history of your football program, what "Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd" is to the "Dumb and Dumber" franchise. I cringe just thinking about it. Ewww...

Louisiana Tech Bulldogs = Vanilla Sky


After you watch "Vanilla Sky," you ask yourself "what the freak was that?" After you see the Bulldogs play, you ponder something similar. Whether it is their starting quarterback Ross Jenkins cutting of the sleeves of his jersey,

or Sonny Dykes belligerently screaming at an official over an blatantly obvious offsides call to the point of getting a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct flag, it is just a mysterious, ugly mess. "Vanilla Sky" tries to be smart, to outwit its viewers, but it fails miserably. It's like the people who wrote it tried way too hard with a crappy plot and less than desirable acting, and ended up with a steaming pile of a film. That is how the Bulldogs are. They try so hard to run a no-huddle, fast-paced, quick strike offense, but they don't have the talent or intelligence to pull it off. You are left with jumbled disorder. Sometimes they play well and score some points, just as the movie has scenes and portions that are decent, but the end does not justify the means. Both would have more success by trying less. How is this for next year's campaign slogan: "Louisiana Tech-putting "vanilla" into the WAC." I am not sad to see them not in our conference next year.

Nevada Wolfpack = 17 Again


This was actually a pretty good movie. Don't get me wrong, it wouldn't be my first choice of films to watch, but it was entertaining nonetheless. Just like Nevada, "17 Again" gets the job done and entertains those who watch. But in no way would you rank either as top-tier or best in their conference/genre. Think about it; the lead role in the film is played by Zac Efron. The Wolfpack's leader is Colin "Bird Leg" Kaepernick. Both are preppy, handsome, pretty-boy "studs" (I use that term loosely) that are completely overrated. Which is better, being the star of "High School Musical" and parlaying that fame and success into other teen-flick roles, or being the starting quarterback for a one-dimensional middle to high-tier team in the WAC? Both are fine, but not what I want to be doing. "17 Again" and the Nevada Wolfpack, like two pees in an under-performing pod.

Fresno State Bulldogs = G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra


I actually enjoyed this film. I like action and special effects, and it was fine once I looked past the cliché, lame, and unthoughtful dialogue and plot line. In fact, I remember seeing "G.I. Joe" advertised during the Super Bowl more than a year before it was released. It promised so much. Hey that sounds like Fresno State! They show so much promise each preseason and proceed to go below expectations year in and year out. But understand, they are indeed a good team with great players and a fearless coach, but they are constantly a let down, just like the film. Look at the stars in the movie; Channing Tatum, Dennis Quaid, Marlon Wayans, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Sienna Miller, and Brendan Fraser. That is not a complete A-list, but enough to create a sparkling action-flick worthy of high praise. But it did not live up to the hype. The Bulldogs recruit plenty of talent every year, but are underwhelming in their accomplishment. This comparison was just too perfect; "G.I. Pat Hill: The Rise of Underachieving Bulldogs."

Hawai'i Rainbow Warriors = Juno


"Juno" was so wrong in so many ways. The exploitation of pregnant teenagers is only comparable to one thing; the exploitation of an alleged dangerous offense that refuses to utilize the run, therefore making it not dangerous to decent defenses. I cannot stress to you how overrated and annoying this movie was. Hawai'i is about as overrated of a team as there has been in college football this year and in the past few. "Juno" had it's moment to shine when it picked up an Academy Award for best original screenplay (how it did that is beyond me), just as the Rainbow Warriors had their time to shine in the 2007 season. They promptly threw it away (as well as any respect that non-AQ schools may have had at the time) with their (lack of) performance in the Sugar Bowl. The point is while a lot of people may like this film and see a fictitious deeper meaning in it, it's still erroneously glorified and finds itself completely off the mark when it comes to film making. Hawai'i has its fans, but it remains an overrated farce of a good team that wants you to think it's cooler than it actually is (but hey, they're from Hawai'i!). The Hawai'i Rainbow Warriors: the annoying over-hyped, exploited, and pregnant teenage girl of the Western Athletic Conference.

Boise State Broncos = Gladiator


That's right, and it's completely true! Now some of you may say "wait a minute! These movie is so far ahead of those on the list, it's not even fair!" To that I say; exactly! You get it! Congratulations! The Broncos are leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of the conference that it isn't fair. Hence the exit to the Mountain West! But let's think about it, "Gladiator" is deep, complex, violent, glorious, successful, and a lot of fun to watch. In the previous sentence, replace the word "Gladiator" with "the Boise State Broncos" and all of it is still true. Their offense is so complex, it confuses opposing defenses play after play. Their talent is so deep that 3rd string defensive lineman are throwing Bryant Moniz to the turf like a rag doll. Their defense plays so physical and violent that the starting quarterbacks of their opponents are scared to face them. Their glory rests in the number of wins they have had in the past few years and can be summed up in 5 words; "Two Time Fiesta Bowl Champions." That is all I need to stay about that. True gladiators are forged on the battle field and come out victorious, having destroyed their foes against all odds. Boise State is Maximus, plain and simple.

So what did you think? I had a lot of fun creating this post and the comparisons. Check back in tomorrow for my Weekend Picks and some insight. Let's go Broncos!