Boise State's Naughty List

So, as the season continues along past the half way mark, Boise State's current bowl outlook is as murky as it ever was. Hawai'i has already accepted an invite to the Sheraton Hawai'i Bowl, and with TCU jumping the Broncos in the BCS Standings, there are still plenty of possibilities as to where they will end up playing. These possibilities range from the Humanitarian Bowl to the National Championship, along with multiple teams that could end up being their opponents. There are many groups, individuals, teams, and entities that are doing their best to keep the Broncos in the worst bowl game against the worst team possible. In the spirit of Christmas, I have decided to make a "Naughty List" of these evil people. Boise State fans loathe them and I will provide an explanation for each. They are in order of their evilness, level of Bronco hatred towards them, and their state of suckiness. In no way am I making this personal (unless I state that it is personal). I just want everybody to know where they stand and how terrible they are. Enjoy!

8.
Hawai'i Rainbow Warriors
The team that came out of nowhere has evolved into a force to be reckoned with. The same can be said for their suddenly stingy defense. They feasted on Idaho turnovers and converted them into short-field scores. The Rainbow Warriors come into Saturday's game at Bronco Stadium with their high-flying, pass-happy offense, boasting a 5-0 WAC record and are at 7-2 overall, only losing to USC on opening night and a tough game at high-altitude Colorado. They will do their best to take out Boise State. If they do, they will most likely win the WAC championship and will definitely knock the Broncos out of National Championship and BCS Bowl discussions. Guess who the last WAC team to beat Boise State was? Yep, the Rainbow Warriors. This is why we, as Bronco fans, hate you Hawai'i. Please lose on Saturday.

7.
Utah Utes
The most over-rated team in the country is now a legitimate threat to jump Boise State in the BCS Rankings. How in the world are they ranked 5th in the country? Suddenly we see them right right behind us as their showdown with 3rd ranked TCU comes to a TV near you in just a few days. The winner will be looking good in the eyes of the computers and voters. Somehow Boise State fans hope that they can beat the Horned Frogs and yet lose to BYU (I don't see the latter happening). The Utes have not played anybody remotely close to being a decent team yet and still they find themselves high enough in the rankings to be considered National Championship contenders. This is why we, as Bronco fans, hate you Utah. Is there anyway both teams can lose?

6.
TCU Horned Frogs
It seems like we just can't get away from the purple clad folks from Fort Worth. Two years in a row as bowl opponents and then they jump us in the BCS rankings. Analyst Jerry Palm does not expect it to stay like that, but we just can't shake them. Their game with Utah on Saturday is huge for many programs nationally, including the Broncos. We beat them last year, how can they be ahead of us when they are essentially the same two teams? Don't tell me that you can't use results from last year to decide how things will be this year. The whole rankings, especially preseason, are based on last year. If they win out, they could get a spot in a BCS Bowl ahead of Boise State, just like last year. This is why we, as Bronco fans, hate you TCU. My head hurts...

5.
Voters
The reason why poll voters aren't higher on the list is because they are at least still keeping the Broncos in the picture. Still, jumping Oregon over Boise State was a travesty for which I will have a very hard time forgiving them. The same thing I said about TCU applies to the Ducks. Boise State moved from 2nd to 3rd in the coaches poll for blowing out an opponent. What would happen if they played a somewhat close game? It seems that no matter what, the voters will do their best to keep us just out of reach of the NC game. Thais is why we, as Bronco fans, hate you voters. Your bias is insulting.

4.
Oregon Ducks
They are a great team, there is no doubt. But something about them just rubs me the wrong way. It probably has a lot to do with how arrogant and condescending Chip Kelley is as he attempts to compensate for his lack of manhood. We know you are a great squad, but don't run up the score as you look around, making sure the nation sees how many points you can throw down in a game that was decided two quarters ago. A quote from Mr. Kelley after the USC game; "I'm not into messages, just winning." Right. You're a d-bag. Once they play somebody with a decent defense on the road I think they might be given a run for their money. Meanwhile their ridiculously pompous fans continue to gloat and also wave their "six-footers" around the message boards and blogs. The Ducks are in the driver's seat to play for the crystal football come January 10th. The fan reaction would be hideously egotistical and unbearable. This is why we, as Bronco fans, hate you Oregon Ducks. Please lose and go back to where you belong in the polls.

3.
Craig James
This one is personal. I googled his name in Google Images and a whole bunch of pictures of James Bond came up. How inaccurate and ironic is that? Somehow a wimpy, annoying, and butt-ugly loser from Jacksonville, Texas become a self-glossed voice of reason and elitism? Probably the same way his tool of a son single-handedly got Mike Leach fired from Texas Tech for allegedly locking him in a shed when he was concussed. Apparently, d-bagness runs in the family. He constantly gives Boise State its lowest ranked vote and then does nothing but trash them on ESPN in the rudest, most egotistical way that he possibly can. Good thing he thinks he's way more influential than he really is. Still, being on ESPN carries some weight and he could hurt the Broncos' chances of getting to the National Championship. This is why we, as Broncos fans, hate you Craig James. Please somehow get seriously maimed with at least permanent damage to your vocal chords.

2.
Mark May
This one is also personal. I'm not sure what he is doing in this picture, but it is similar to what he does to the head honchos who run the BCS system. If you were to poll Boise State fans and ask them who is the most anti-Bronco, hated, elitist, and rude d-bag of them all, Mark May would win hands down. It wouldn't even be close. When it comes to keeping the little guy down and stomping on his face with an elitist, egotistical boot, MayDay is leading the way. Whether he is demeaning any accomplishment that Boise State achieves or having an huge "O" in his pants over the SEC, everything he does, lives for, or says is an attack on Boise State. It makes it worse that he is teamed up with perma-lisp grandpa Lou Holtz, who actually tries to defend the Broncos. May just demeans him as well. It's like he's picking on your grandfather, kicking your puppy, and making inappropriate advances at your mother all at the same time when he talks. He is that bad. If ever there was a time when I contemplated suicide it was when Mark May and Craig James both appeared on my television set at the same time. I'm surprised May's massive ego-laden head fits on camera by itself. He has much more influence than James does, and his anti-Boise State lifestyle is enough to sway many people and voters away from the Boys in Blue. This is why we, as Bronco fans, hate you Mark May. You're lucky we don't know where you live.

1.
The BCS Rankings/Computers
Again, this is very personal. The only reason that the BCS takes number in my Naughty List is because it is comprehensive of many of the things that have already been discussed, but also has its own set of terrible qualities that make it even worse. It's like the worst traits usually spread out amongst many people combined into one hideous conglomerate of blinding horror. As I have mentioned many times, it was created as a way to benefit the power conferences and traditional schools, something that is plainly evident today, even as upstart programs are becoming as good or better than said traditional power universities. It involves computer rankings that rate strength of schedule, opponents' strength of schedule, oponents' oponents' strength of schedule (etc.), conference status and rank, how hot the girls at the school are, and how many students like Neapolitan ice cream (I may have made up the last two). All of this combined creates some ludicrous formula that spits out numbers that rank the teams. It's retarded, I know. But it is all part of a system that somehow decides who will play for the National Championship. I found this comic and it is so true about the BCS and how it is now;

Gross, huh? With a combination of voters, computer rankings (which are as ridiculous as a palm tree in Minnesota), big conference bias, elitist trustees, and absolutely no involvement from the NCAA, somehow schools are ranked and rated. It is a beauty contest in which schools from the WAC and Mountain West have absolutely no shot of winning. In every possible way that those in charge can come up with, non-AQ schools are left out in the cold week in and week out. They will be jumped by less-deserving "power conference" schools left and right. Boise State, TCU, and Utah are constantly getting screwed. For this reason we, as Broncos fans, hate you BCS Rankings/Computers. You are as outdated as my 1992 Plymouth Acclaim. We hate you.